From Funeral Planning to Wedding Planning- What the Business Taught me about Relationships that Everyone Should Know

As a lot of people know, I got engaged over the past weekend and it was nothing short of amazing. The thoughts of getting to marry my best best friend whom I also work along beside with everyday is so exciting and do consider myself very blessed. However, it was a long time coming. When I think back on past relationships compared to the one I have now with Jeffrey, everything just makes sense that I am where I am and that I'm with him. I can honestly say that I am thankful for each relationship that I have been in in the past, especially the few I was in since I've started working in the business because they each taught me very valuable things about what I deserved and how I should be treated when it comes to relationships. (Things that everyone no matter what profession that you're in should know.)
 
Working in the Funeral Industry is a very demanding profession. As I've mentioned before it requires a lot of your time, which leaves very little time for for yourself and your family, let alone time for dating. In the few past relationships before Jeffrey, I found that guys just didn't get the fact that I worked night and day, or that I couldn't go out of town on a night that I wasn't working because there was a possibility that I would get called out. I was even told once that my job sucked and that I had made the wrong choice by deciding to work in the funeral business. (Trust me, I took offense to that comment and I sent him on his way quick.) It was then that I learned that I needed to find someone who would understand, encourage and support my profession. With Jeff I have that because not only does he do the same exact thing that I do but we get to do it together quite often. Now I'm not saying that you need to run out there and try to find someone who is in the same profession as you in order to make it work, but you do need to stop and look at yourself and realize your self-worth. In my opinion, there are some vital things that are needed in order to make a relationship work, and understanding about things that take a lot of your time such as your job or in some instances people who are involved in your life a lot is very important. If the understanding and support isn't there then it will lead to a lot of arguments and you might as well just end the relationship right then and there. When you stop to think about it, if someone is not going to be understanding about a job or things that you are passionate about then you don't need them anyway.  It just shows that they are selfish and really don't care about you and chances are they will NEVER support you with anything else you choose to do.

Jeff and I just happened. We get along so well, and I really think that it was due to the fact that we started out as friends first. I was one of those people who rolled my eyes when someone said it was better to find someone and be friends with them first because let's just be honest, in today's generation you can meet or reject people simply by a swipe across a screen. My opinion on that now has completely changed. Since we were already friends and had worked almost a year and a half together, that whole awkward getting to know each other phase was eliminated. I was already aware of his annoying little habits (as he was mine), so we knew what we were getting into. We still learn new things about each other everyday, but it was nice to already have a sturdy foundation on (so to speak) so we could build a relationship on. The main point is, do not rush anything, let it go at its own pace and let everything fall into place the way it is meant to be. You can't just rush into a relationship without knowing someone and expect it to work. It just goes to show you, that even the most unlikely things such as working with death can teach you important things not only about yourself, but about relationships as well.

I'm truly blessed that Jeff was brought into my life and honestly couldn't have found anyone else who treats me with as much respect and that shows me as much love as he does: something that EVERY SINGLE PERSON deserves and should strive to have. I couldn't end this post without bragging on him and showing off the ring. As for those who may be wondering if I will incorporate our profession into our wedding the answer is YES! (And I couldn't be more excited.) 

The Truth about Pre-Arranging Your Funeral and Why It's One of the Most Important Things You Should Do

Death has touched us all in some way at some point throughout our lives and will continue to do. As each passing day goes by we are a day closer to death, which is something many people do not want to acknowledge or accept for many different reasons. To some people it's because of fear, (which is perfectly normal) or because they think they have plenty of time on this Earth, or sadly, they really just don't care and believe they will be taken care of regardless. (Which in 90% of cases doesn't happen.) With all of this being said, and due to the fact that I'm seeing more and more families having loved ones pass away and they have no means of paying for a type of service that they want, I saw that it was vital that I bring this topic up in a blog.

First off, I want to start off by saying that by no means do I intend to offend anyone, but I am honest and I feel that people need to be aware. Especially when it comes to the funeral industry. There are just so many misconceptions about death and what we as funeral service professionals do, mainly because people are uneducated on the subject. (Like I said, people do not want to think about death and dying.)

The main misconception that I have seen is that Funeral Homes are obligated to bury every body that dies that has no means of paying for it. This is not true and is one of the reasons why funeral homes and the professionals that work in the business get looked down upon in a negative light. But before you start saying that we are inconsiderate and don't care, you need to know why funeral homes cannot give funerals away. It's not because we don't care, we wish that we could, but once we give one funeral away, it would be expected that we give all of them away. A lot of time and work goes into caring for each and every family that is served, it is our job and a selfless job at that. The best way to get my point across is by explaining it like this: You cant just go into Walmart or into a store, load up on goods and walk out the door without paying for them. The same goes for funerals. However, there are many funeral homes that are willing to work with families as far as payment options: there is a percentage that is required to be paid down up front, then the family can work out a monthly payment plan. For some families this works out well, but there are also many that promises to pay then doesn't. It's not fair to those of us who work long hours and put a lot of time into each and every individual service to not get paid for it. I know that all of you who read this that work hard in any profession and love what they do would agree with me on this.

So hopefully, I've sparked some interest now and have you thinking. Have you ever stopped to think about what you'd like to have happen when you pass away? Cremation? Do you want your ashes to be scattered somewhere special or kept in a keepsake urn? Did you know that cremains could be turned into beautiful gem jewelry for your family members to keep? Or what about traditional services with a burial? What color of casket would you like? Where would you like to be buried? For those of you who have children, or will have future children your last wishes are something that needs to be known. Do you really want to leave your children with the stress of trying to decide on what you would have wanted done when you pass away? That is why I believe that prearranging your own funeral is so important. It lets your wishes be known, and it eliminates your already grieving family from having to make hard decisions as well as leaving them in a financial bind to pay for your services. Not too long ago, a family had lost their mother: who just had happened to come in twenty years ago and sit down, picked out the casket she wanted, gave some of the vital information the funeral home would need to file a death certificate and paid for her funeral. In the 1990's she paid 4000.00 for her funeral, which in turn the funeral home put into a trust fund account: Funeral Funding Trust of Kentucky, which is a trust fund for funeral accounts that cannot be touched by anyone (including funeral homes) until the person has passed away. It can only be used for funeral purposes so that insures that your money is used on you for your funeral services. For twenty years the money grew interest, to cover the inflation costs of the merchandise that she selected because just like everything else, even the price of funeral merchandise gets higher each year. When her children came in to finalize arrangements, and it was time to talk money, they were shocked and amazed but even more relieved to find out that her funeral was already paid for.

Now you may be wondering, "Well, what if I don't have thousands of dollars to pay for my funeral up front at once?" The answer is, you don't have to pay it in full. You can go to the funeral home of your choice and prearrange with them, and send in any amount of money you want to whenever you want to to be put into an account. Some people send in money that ranges from five dollars to one hundred dollars a month. Every little bit helps and over time it does add up. If the Trust Fund isn't your cup of tea, you can also take out a life insurance policy. (To all my young adult readers out there this would also be a good option for you.) I took out a life insurance policy when I was 23, three years ago and it was one of the best "big girl life decisions" that I ever made. I got my policy with a low monthly payment that will not change (because of my age and the fact that I was in good health.) In twenty years my policy will be paid for. Not too bad for twenty-five dollars a month. I also made my prearrangement, so my wishes would be known to my parents, just so it would make things easier on them if anything was to happen and I'll be honest, I felt like a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. That was one major thing that I could check off my list of what I needed to take care of. It also felt good knowing that I had helped my family if anything was to happen to me. FYI: If you make a prearrangement with a funeral home and later on decide to go somewhere else you CAN take your preneed from your first funeral home of choice and take to another. Do not let anyone try to tell you otherwise.

Whatever route that you decide to go is completely up to you. Regardless I suggest that you go to the funeral home of your choice and sit down with them so they can explain to you different options when it comes to prearrangement. Many people often say that they were glad that they went ahead and did it, and that it wasn't as bad as what they expected. So hopefully I've shed some light on the subject. I know the subject of death is one that no one wants to think about but the bitter truth is you have to. If you can do one last thing for your family, one of them should be helping them with this.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Southern Funeral Customs that Make Me Proud to be from the South

As you know, I'm proud of my profession, as well as where I came from. There's nothing better than southern hospitality; something that the majority of us living in the mountains show amongst each other as well as outsiders that we come into contact with. This hospitality is almost always shown during the passing of a community member's loved one. When someone passes in one of our small close-knit communities, the community comes together, to help as well as grieve along with the family. So to the outsiders in different states, or even living in the larger cities of Kentucky you may wonder, "What is it that families in the Mountains do so differently?" There are some Southern Funeral Customs that have been practiced for many years being passed down from generation to generation, and have continued to this very day that will continue on.

1. Food
     If there's one thing that the people of Appalachia love it's food. Whether it is a nice potluck at church on Sunday, reunions, or even a small family get-together, food is always the centerpiece of any social engagement. When someone in the community passes away, other families rush to the aid to help in any way that they can and the first thing that comes to mind is food. I mean, when a family is grieving, the last thing on their mind is eating, let alone taking the time to fix a meal. When my Pawpaw passed away, so many people that we know, brought food to our home, as well as the Funeral Home. There was enough food to last my HUGE family for days. Enough to get us through the arrangement process, the days of visitation and after the day of the funeral. To us in the South, there's so much more to someone just bringing food; it's a huge act of kindness and thoughtfulness on behalf of the person who brought it, not to mention it's heartwarming at the thought that that person took the time to fix something for you and your grieving family. Yes, you better believe that all those pies, cakes and deserts were made with a lot of love with some extra thrown in. (That's why they taste so good.)

2. Pulling Off to the Side of the Road During a Procession
      This is a custom that is still being practiced thankfully in the hills of Appalachia. However this cannot be done in Lexington and other larger cities, because of safety reasons. In the larger cities, the family is told to meet at the cemetery at a scheduled time after a funeral service, but not in hills of Eastern Kentucky. I have been in quite a few processions, many I've drove the hearse myself and it makes me so proud when I see others take just a couple minutes of their time to pull off the side of the road so a procession can go by. Now there are some out there that have absolutely NO RESPECT for anyone, and just fly right on by, but the number of people who actually respect processions surpass the number of those who don't. Even people who are walking will stop and take their hats off long enough to show respect for a family dealing with the loss of a loved one. Until you are driving in a procession to bury your loved one you don't know how much it means when someone pulls off the road a couple of moments for your family to pass by. So people, next time you see one, please pull over. It's a simple act of kindness that you will expect someday yourself.

3. Turning Your Music Down when Passing a Cemetery or a Funeral Home Having Services
     This custom is one that some may not even know about, especially the younger generations. However, I was always told to turn down my radio whenever I passed a church, funeral home or cemetery that was handling visitation and funeral services . Now many may ask me why this is so important, and all I will say is this; would you like to be standing during services of someone you love, especially at a cemetery and hear someone blasting "Drop it Like it's Hot" as your loved one is being lowered into the ground? I think not. Trust me, it's happened before.


Respect and love are two the few things that make us living in the Mountains who we are. Tradition is kept close to our hearts, and passed down to our younger generations. Let's continue to keep these traditions going and teach our children to do the same. The customs that I mentioned are just a few of the things that make us who we are and set us apart from the other groups of people living in our state and nation. Continue to be proud of who we are and what we do. :)

Labor Day- To those who work on this Holiday, this is for You

Labor Day, a holiday that is recognized by most people as a day off from work to enjoy time with their families, cookouts, and most importantly a day of rest. This holiday was first recognized in 1882 to show appreciation of the American workers who helped to achieve social and economic prosperity within our country. While many people are fortunate to get this holiday off there are some that still have to work during this day, and this is something that many people fail to remember.

While most are relaxing with their families, there are people out there that are working saving lives, aiding to the sick, and keeping peace among our communities. Sadly, death doesn't stop for Labor Day either. However while I have been on call today, I was fortunate to not have to go into work. I'm even more grateful to say that I haven't been called out so far, because despite of one of the myths about us that work in the funeral business, we do not sit around just wishing that people will die. (Especially on holidays.)

This post is more of a recognition to those who have to work on this day when you're technically not supposed to. To the first responders: this includes EMS, Fire Departments, Rescue Squads, Police Agencies, Coroners; to all those in the medical field: Doctors, RN's, LPN's, CNA's, Aids; to my fellow Funeral Directors and Embalmers or those that work in the business; to the individuals working in any business that worked today THANK YOU. You put your own needs, wants, and families on the back burner to help others in some way. Regardless, you should be recognized and appreciated not just on this day, but everyday.

I encourage everyone to stop and think of someone you may know that may be in one of these fields or that have had to work today and think about how selfless they are. Then, you should thank them. Just a little something to think about and appreciate. :) I hope everyone has had a wonderful and blessed Labor Day!   

Vacation...What it Really Means to Those Working in the Funeral Business

Vacation, the beloved and one of the most anticipated times during ones work year; especially when you work in the funeral business. It had been two years since I had taken a week off from working, two years that I had worked without a break of no longer than three days. I'm a firm believer in vacations, especially when you work hard and pull your weight no matter what the profession that you're in. Contrary to what the majority of the public may think, this job is one that is stressful, not to mention one that requires you to work long unforeseen hours. Vacations are definitely earned, so therefore it is vital that we take some time to get away from our jobs and refresh ourselves or we will risk getting burnt out with our jobs. When people think of vacation, it's mostly a trip out of town jam packed with plans to do all sorts of things while you're away. While that's great and all, (and something that I did as well that I enjoyed immensely), I also had other things in mind that I just couldn't wait to do.
My boyfriend (whom I happen to work with) planned a nice little getaway trip to Tennessee. I can't even begin to explain how nice this was, because when you work with the public in a small town, even the simplest of things like going out to dinner or going shopping can take longer than expected because you see so many people that you know. Now don't get me wrong, we both love seeing and talking to those we've helped or that we know, but sometimes it's just nice to go to a place where no one knows you and you can enjoy doing your own thing. We got to experience new attractions that we hadn't been to before and we were just able to blend in with the crowd. The five day getaway was definitely nice, but there's no way I would ever trade the Smokey Mountains for the beloved Appalachian Mountains that I live in. Towards the end of the trip I was definitely ready to get back, because there was so much more I had planned to do during my time off.

When you're in the business, you spend so much time with your work family helping other families in need that you have to put your own friends and family on the back burner. That is one of the main reasons why vacation time is so important to us that work in the business. I was so excited to get back from the trip because I was more than ready to spend time with my friends and family whom I haven't been able to do much with. I've been able to spend four days with my parents and family, spent an evening with my best friend (who I haven't laid eyes on in three months), spent a day antique shopping with my momma and was also able to go to a baby shower for one of my good friends. If anything can be learned from us who work in the business it's that time is precious, as well as family and the ones you love, because sadly death doesn't stop for anyone. So when you get the time, make the best of it and spend time with the ones you love.

Now it's Sunday, and the last day of my vacation. So what do I plan to do on my last day? Absolutely nothing. My plans consist of lounging in my beloved sweats, watch T.V. and maybe do a few little things around my apartment including laundry. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and not dread that it' s Monday like I usually do because honestly while the time off was great and much needed, I have missed working and doing what I love. Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!

Pictured below is what I like to think of as our version of the Smokey Mountains right here in Eastern Kentucky. Appalachia is honestly beautiful and I'm so thankful I can call it my home.

The History of Bad Tom Smith and the Significance of Faith in Eastern Kentucky

For all those history buffs out there, I figured this would be a post that would spark some interest. It sure did mine when I had heard talk about "Bad Tom Smith" who is supposedly buried in Vicco, KY with a pretty interesting epitaph engraved on his headstone. So of course I had to make a stop to see for myself. After snapping some photos, I went to work on finding out a little more. From information I obtained through a reprint of the Louisville Courier Journal that was published on June 28, 1895, Tom Smith had quite a record that included wounding people in Perry County during election time, having the courthouse burnt down to destroy all documents of his crimes that he had previously committed in an attempt to not be tried for them, theft, and even murder. It was said that him along with his brother fled to Knott County, hid underneath a house, eventually taking another life before he was eventually caught. June 28, 1895 was the day that Tom Smith was hung, making it the first hanging to ever take place in Breathitt County.  There is so much more information pertaining to Bad Tom Smith if you wish to find out more on your own, but after thinking about his story, and seeing his epitaph on his headstone which says, "Bad Enough to Be Hanged, Not too Bad Enough for God to Save", it got me really thinking about how strong faith in Eastern Kentucky really is; something that I have a lot of myself and I'm proud to have.

Faith and religion is something that you see a lot of in the funeral business. That is one of the many reasons I love it so well. While I have my own beliefs and stand firm behind them, I find it very interesting to see how other people of different beliefs worship as well as enjoy taking a part in their funeral customs when someone beloved to them has passed away. After all, that is one of the main duties of our job in the funeral business; to help and accommodate the needs of the families we serve to best of our ability during one of the most difficult and trying times of their life. It is of great importance that we do this without letting our own judgement and beliefs prevent us from doing so. With that being said, I personally take that same practice and apply it outside of the work environment as well. Bad Tom Smith committed terrible crimes, but obviously kept his faith. He was aware of his actions, and confessed to many of his crimes minutes before his death. He had his own beliefs and made it quite clear and wanted everyone to know that by supposedly saying this: "

"Friends, one and all, I want to talk to you a little before I die. My last words on earth to you are to take warning from my fate. Bad whiskey and bad women have brought me where I am. I hope you ladies will take no umbrage at this, for I have told you the God's truth. To you, little children, who were the first to be blessed by Jesus, I will give this warning: Don't drink whiskey and don't do as I have done. I want everybody in this vast crowd who does not wish to do the things that I have done, and to put themselves in the place I now occupy, to hold their hands. It looks like what I shall see in Heaven. Again I say to you, take warning from my fate and live better lives than I have lived. I die with no hard feelings toward anybody. There ain't a soul in the world that I hate. I love everybody. Farewell, until we meet again."

                                                     -Bad Tom Smith

Eastern Kentucky is in the heart of what most call the "Bible Belt" but is also home to other religions as well. It is so great to see people come together regardless of their beliefs, so they can send a good farewell to one they have lost. A great lesson can be learned from Tom Smith which is: no matter what you have done, no matter how bad you or those around you may think you are, always have faith in something. I believe that everyone should have something to believe in, even at the darkest of times, no matter what it may be.    

If you are interested in learning more about Bad Tom Smith, below are the links that I used to obtain information for this piece.
 http://www.breathittcounty.com/BadTom.html
http://hazardkentucky.com/more/badtomsmith.htm

Wait, What? You're in the Funeral Business? No way!

With this being my first blog, I thought long and hard as to what I could make my first post about. I couldn't start this new experience off by not mentioning the reaction that I receive almost 99.9% of the time when people find out that my little 5'4 self works in the funeral business, as an apprentice embalmer and funeral director who will soon be licensed in the Bluegrass State. First comes the "the look" of shock, and sometimes uneasiness after I've told them my chosen profession. I've even had a man who came to hook up my cable tell me that I must be weird. With that being said, that is the main reason I decided to start this blog. I'm twenty five years old, and I've been working in the funeral business for going on four years now. Although its a profession that is not for everyone, it was one that was a calling for me; one that I knew that I was meant to do. I'm an avid UK Wildcat fan, vintage lover,  and one that cannot function without numerous cups of coffee in the morning to start my day. Oh, and I must mention that I am the proud momma of a very mischievous dachshund named Oscar. Now that doesn't make me seem so weird now does it? Most importantly, I'm proud to be a independent young woman from Eastern Kentucky who is working in a male dominated business. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and experiences with everyone, where hopefully I can change the many opinions like the cable man had of individuals who work in such a prestigious profession.