Seven Must Haves that the Special Female Funeral Director in Your Life Needs and Would Love
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Hello everyone! I hope you've had a great Christmas, and start to the new year. It's been awhile since I've posted, but with work, spending time with my family during the holidays as well as beginning to start preparing for my wedding I've just not had time. It saddens me to say that winter has finally arrived (which is a waste since the holidays are over), so I wanted to share with you guys some necessities for winter especially for us in the business who have to go out to services with snow flying around. However, they're good for anyone who has to work outside. Below are seven of my favorite things and products. .
Living Without Loved Ones During the Holidays
Thursday, December 3, 2015
The last couple of months of every year are packed with food, fun and making memories with loved ones, but many families often struggle during the holidays especially the first ones after they've lost a loved one. I've lost two very influential people in my life; my Mamaw in 2004, and my Papaw in 2013. They both taught me so many things throughout my life, and to say that it gets easier it doesn't. However, you do learn to cope. Thanks to them, I've figured out ways to get through the holidays, and have made it a little bit easier to accept that they are gone that I want to share with you so maybe, just maybe you might can make the loss of your loved ones a little easier to deal with as well.
Think back on the good memories that you have during the holidays of the ones that you have lost. What were some of the traditions or things that they did to make the holidays special for everyone? My Papaw never was one to say much during the holidays especially Christmas time because he had a lot of bad memories himself growing up during them. However, he always made sure along with my Mamaw that their children had a Christmas, and when their grandchildren started coming along I believe it made him enjoy the holidays more. I can remember when my mother and I moved back home to live with them for a little while. On Christmas morning I remember waking up to hearing stomping in the hallway with a couple of "Ho Ho Hos" before hearing the basement door slam shut. Years later I found out that who I thought was Santa Claus that Christmas morning turned out to be my Papaw who wanted to make sure I had one of the best Christmas' I'd ever had. It's one of the many memories I will always remember. Even though thinking of these precious memories may get you a little teary eyed and make you miss them, it also will warm your heart and make you smile.
Another thing I remember about the holidays with my grandparents is food. My Mamaw loved Thanksgiving and Christmas time because she got to cook and my Papaw did because he loved to eat. One thing that my Papaw loved was a good Cherry Pie, a taste that I've developed a love for as well. My Papaw had his last birthday in December before Christmas and lived to be 91, and he still was able to have one more last slice of his beloved cherry pie. That's why I always have to have a least a slice of cherry pie around this time every year in his honor. Trust me, I smile every time I take a bite and think of him. When I go home for my family Christmas dinner this year, I will take home a Cherry Pie, and I guarantee that my family will take one glance at it and automatically think of him. By taking something as simple as a food dish that was a favorite of one you've lost, can bring back so many memories of them. So whatever it may be, buy it or prepare it, and have it in their honor. Although they may not be there with you physically, you can honor them and take comfort in knowing that they're looking down and smiling that you're still having their favorite dish at the table.
At a young age my Mamaw (who was an amazing woman of many talents) began to show me how to sew and crochet. She made many quilts, place mats, blankets, dolls, clothes and rugs just to name a few. Anything you wanted she could do it. In fact, she made many things to help pay her children through school. It wasn't until later as I grew older that I realized how blessed I was to have been taught a dying art. I'm beyond thankful to have watched her hands while she showed me a simple chain stitch in crochet, and for her patience when I would get my thread knotted up when trying to sew together the colored square pieces of material of a nine-patch quilt. One thing that my Mamaw loved was making gifts and giving them. She made so many things for my cousins and I for Christmas, and thankfully my mother has kept them. She always loved to crochet washcloths, dishcloths and pot holders. That's why this year I have decided to bring out my Mamaw's talents that she passed down to me and do the same for the ones I love. After all, gifts that come from the heart of someone mean so much more than any gift that you can buy from the store simply because of the time and effort that you've put into the gift. This is something that you all can do as well. It doesn't necessarily have to be crafty. Anything that your loved one was known to gift to others would do just fine. Continue their gift giving so to speak.
The Holidays are such a special time, one to rejoice and be thankful for what you have and for the ones you have around you. Just because someone is gone physically, doesn't mean that they're not there. So have a drink in their honor, gather around the table with your families and share the great memories of the past while you make new ones. After all, the ones you've lost wouldn't want you to be miserable during the holidays. Remember them, and let them continue to live and be known through you.
Think back on the good memories that you have during the holidays of the ones that you have lost. What were some of the traditions or things that they did to make the holidays special for everyone? My Papaw never was one to say much during the holidays especially Christmas time because he had a lot of bad memories himself growing up during them. However, he always made sure along with my Mamaw that their children had a Christmas, and when their grandchildren started coming along I believe it made him enjoy the holidays more. I can remember when my mother and I moved back home to live with them for a little while. On Christmas morning I remember waking up to hearing stomping in the hallway with a couple of "Ho Ho Hos" before hearing the basement door slam shut. Years later I found out that who I thought was Santa Claus that Christmas morning turned out to be my Papaw who wanted to make sure I had one of the best Christmas' I'd ever had. It's one of the many memories I will always remember. Even though thinking of these precious memories may get you a little teary eyed and make you miss them, it also will warm your heart and make you smile.
Another thing I remember about the holidays with my grandparents is food. My Mamaw loved Thanksgiving and Christmas time because she got to cook and my Papaw did because he loved to eat. One thing that my Papaw loved was a good Cherry Pie, a taste that I've developed a love for as well. My Papaw had his last birthday in December before Christmas and lived to be 91, and he still was able to have one more last slice of his beloved cherry pie. That's why I always have to have a least a slice of cherry pie around this time every year in his honor. Trust me, I smile every time I take a bite and think of him. When I go home for my family Christmas dinner this year, I will take home a Cherry Pie, and I guarantee that my family will take one glance at it and automatically think of him. By taking something as simple as a food dish that was a favorite of one you've lost, can bring back so many memories of them. So whatever it may be, buy it or prepare it, and have it in their honor. Although they may not be there with you physically, you can honor them and take comfort in knowing that they're looking down and smiling that you're still having their favorite dish at the table.
At a young age my Mamaw (who was an amazing woman of many talents) began to show me how to sew and crochet. She made many quilts, place mats, blankets, dolls, clothes and rugs just to name a few. Anything you wanted she could do it. In fact, she made many things to help pay her children through school. It wasn't until later as I grew older that I realized how blessed I was to have been taught a dying art. I'm beyond thankful to have watched her hands while she showed me a simple chain stitch in crochet, and for her patience when I would get my thread knotted up when trying to sew together the colored square pieces of material of a nine-patch quilt. One thing that my Mamaw loved was making gifts and giving them. She made so many things for my cousins and I for Christmas, and thankfully my mother has kept them. She always loved to crochet washcloths, dishcloths and pot holders. That's why this year I have decided to bring out my Mamaw's talents that she passed down to me and do the same for the ones I love. After all, gifts that come from the heart of someone mean so much more than any gift that you can buy from the store simply because of the time and effort that you've put into the gift. This is something that you all can do as well. It doesn't necessarily have to be crafty. Anything that your loved one was known to gift to others would do just fine. Continue their gift giving so to speak.
The Holidays are such a special time, one to rejoice and be thankful for what you have and for the ones you have around you. Just because someone is gone physically, doesn't mean that they're not there. So have a drink in their honor, gather around the table with your families and share the great memories of the past while you make new ones. After all, the ones you've lost wouldn't want you to be miserable during the holidays. Remember them, and let them continue to live and be known through you.
Happy Holidays Everyone!!!
The Funeral Cake- It's to Die For!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
In one of my previous blogs, "Southern Funeral Customs that Make Me Proud to be from the South" food was one that I mentioned. Everyone including myself loves food, and when I stumbled along an old recipe online called the Funeral Cake that originated from the south, I just had to do some research. The cake originated years ago when funeral homes brought the deceased back to the home for viewing and services. It was a very popular dish that was made for families who had lost a loved one. After getting the recipe, and spicing it up a little to make it my own, I have to say that it is absolutely delicious and something that I will definitely make again. Now I will warn you, this cake is not for the ones who have a healthy conscious. The icing is completely homemade, there's loads of chocolate (even chocolate chips), butter, powdered sugar and of course my favorite; some bourbon thrown in to top it off. This cake would be perfect for any occasion, and for those who love to bake will enjoy making this. If you're interested in making this (you'll be glad you did) the full recipe and directions are below. Happy baking everyone, and have a wonderful week!
The finished product of the Funeral Cake.
Cake Ingredients
1 box of Chocolate cake mix
1 box of chocolate instant jello pudding mix
3 eggs
8 oz of sour cream
2/3 cup of water
2/3 cup of oil
1 cup of buttermilk
2 cups of chocolate chips (12 oz bag)
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1/3 cup of bourbon or rum (whichever you prefer)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients together and put into greased pan. Bake 50 -60 minutes depending on your oven. To ensure that cake is done, just stick a toothpick in the center of the cake and if it comes out clean then its done. (There will be some chocolate on the toothpick due to the melted chocolate chips, but as long as the toothpick doesn't have any cake on it then it is done.)
Icing Ingredients
1/2 cup of butter (one stick)
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1/3 cup of milk
2/3 cup of unsweetened cocoa
3 cups of powdered sugar
Melt butter in microwave. Add the cocoa and mix well. Slowly add some milk and powdered sugar to mixture. (I found it easier to alternate adding in some of the milk then a cup of the powdered sugar until all of it was in. I also recommend sifting the powdered sugar to remove any clumps before adding it into your mixture so you will have smooth icing.) Then add vanilla. Stir well to make sure that it is all blended.
*Make sure your cake has cooled completely before applying the icing.*
Top it off with some extra chocolate chips then you're ready to eat your way into a sugar coma. (But its well worth it!) Enjoy!
Acceptance of Women in the Funeral Industy
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
I began my journey working in the funeral business in November of 2011, and although I had a slight idea of what I was getting into, I had NO idea the extent of how things were. While I'm still learning and will continue to learn throughout my career, my eyes have been opened to a lot of things about life that I never noticed before, such as discrimination of being a female in a male dominated business. (Yes, it still happens and my fellow female coworkers along with myself experience it more than you'd think. (IT'S OUT THERE PEOPLE!)
I've never considered myself to be a feminist because in my mind, I thought that discrimination among men and women had ceased to exist for the most part and I really didn't care. However, I've learned that still today, in the year of 2015 there are still people out there who refuse to acknowledge or speak to me about things because I am a female and I'm going to be completely honest, it not only offends me, but it infuriates me. I will only go into brief detail about a couple of instances that I've seen or experienced first hand discrimination because of being a female. There have been individuals call with a question about their loved one's funeral bill and refused to let me help them. They insisted that they talk to one of the men that worked there. One of my female co-workers and I went to pick up an individual and after giving the family a packet of information and discussing with them what they may want to do, they come back out of the room and ask us when the funeral home was going to arrive. A male of a family who I had been with the entire process of losing their loved one: the pick-up, preparation, arrangement process, getting them ready for viewing, staying with them at the graveyard until their loved one was buried came up and shook my male co-workers hand and thanked him for everything that he had done, and just looked at me. Before anyone wants to say that I'm jealous, that is not it at all. However, I had played a significant role in carrying out that family's wishes for their loved one with the help of my coworkers. I'm not sure if the man thought if I was there just to look pretty or what, but it did really bother me that I was not even acknowledged after the work, time and compassion I had given to that family.
So I will enlighten those interested as well as those who may not even realize what females in the funeral business do and why we deserve just as much recognition as males do.
1. We lift just as much as the guys do. That's right, we lift caskets unoccupied and occupied, we go out on calls and make removals in homes (which is sometimes very hard depending on the layout of the home) as well as medical facilities.
2. We work long hours just like the guys do. There have been many nights I've worked a visitation, been home an hour and about to hop in the bed just to get called back out and be out working the entire night. I've finished as the sun was coming up then I've went home to shower and change clothes to head back to work and work that day. (This is why I have said and will always say that coffee is my best friend. Because it is.)
3. We've went to school and worked just as hard as the guys have to get our license. It takes brains and talent to work in the business. Something that men and women are both born with.
4. We get your loved ones ready for you to see just like the guys do. This is one that I can say we've got a slight advantage on over the men in the business. We are good with hair and makeup because we work with it on a daily basis on ourselves. Now don't get me wrong, my fiance' and other male coworker is awesome at makeup and concealing, but they're not very comfortable with taking a hot curling iron and going by a picture to make a woman's hair look great, and they've not yet mastered a poof or teasing.
5. We take care of your family as well as our own just like the guys do. In addition to the things that I listed above, we go home to our families and in between our unpredictable work schedules, we still manage to find time to make sure our family has supper, the kids have their homework done, that they make it to after school functions and activities and that they make it to school on time in the mornings. Although I don't have children of my own yet, some of my female coworkers do, and I see them along with one of my male coworkers do it all and do it well.
I'm thankful that acceptance of women has come a long way from what it used to be, and I'm aware that there will always be people out there that refuse to talk business with a woman and all we can do is respect their choice. By no means should it affect our work ethic or the work that we do. In fact, it should make us work even harder. Living in the mountains comes with the fact that people are still behind the times, and that includes women working in male dominated businesses especially the funeral business due to the fact that they've always been used to men taking care of them and their families. I truly believe that with time and patience more acceptance will come. So to all of the females out there in the business as well as other females making their way in other types of male dominated businesses, keep your head up, keep working hard, and keep on keeping on. Be proud of who you are and what you do.
I've never considered myself to be a feminist because in my mind, I thought that discrimination among men and women had ceased to exist for the most part and I really didn't care. However, I've learned that still today, in the year of 2015 there are still people out there who refuse to acknowledge or speak to me about things because I am a female and I'm going to be completely honest, it not only offends me, but it infuriates me. I will only go into brief detail about a couple of instances that I've seen or experienced first hand discrimination because of being a female. There have been individuals call with a question about their loved one's funeral bill and refused to let me help them. They insisted that they talk to one of the men that worked there. One of my female co-workers and I went to pick up an individual and after giving the family a packet of information and discussing with them what they may want to do, they come back out of the room and ask us when the funeral home was going to arrive. A male of a family who I had been with the entire process of losing their loved one: the pick-up, preparation, arrangement process, getting them ready for viewing, staying with them at the graveyard until their loved one was buried came up and shook my male co-workers hand and thanked him for everything that he had done, and just looked at me. Before anyone wants to say that I'm jealous, that is not it at all. However, I had played a significant role in carrying out that family's wishes for their loved one with the help of my coworkers. I'm not sure if the man thought if I was there just to look pretty or what, but it did really bother me that I was not even acknowledged after the work, time and compassion I had given to that family.
So I will enlighten those interested as well as those who may not even realize what females in the funeral business do and why we deserve just as much recognition as males do.
1. We lift just as much as the guys do. That's right, we lift caskets unoccupied and occupied, we go out on calls and make removals in homes (which is sometimes very hard depending on the layout of the home) as well as medical facilities.
2. We work long hours just like the guys do. There have been many nights I've worked a visitation, been home an hour and about to hop in the bed just to get called back out and be out working the entire night. I've finished as the sun was coming up then I've went home to shower and change clothes to head back to work and work that day. (This is why I have said and will always say that coffee is my best friend. Because it is.)
3. We've went to school and worked just as hard as the guys have to get our license. It takes brains and talent to work in the business. Something that men and women are both born with.
4. We get your loved ones ready for you to see just like the guys do. This is one that I can say we've got a slight advantage on over the men in the business. We are good with hair and makeup because we work with it on a daily basis on ourselves. Now don't get me wrong, my fiance' and other male coworker is awesome at makeup and concealing, but they're not very comfortable with taking a hot curling iron and going by a picture to make a woman's hair look great, and they've not yet mastered a poof or teasing.
5. We take care of your family as well as our own just like the guys do. In addition to the things that I listed above, we go home to our families and in between our unpredictable work schedules, we still manage to find time to make sure our family has supper, the kids have their homework done, that they make it to after school functions and activities and that they make it to school on time in the mornings. Although I don't have children of my own yet, some of my female coworkers do, and I see them along with one of my male coworkers do it all and do it well.
I'm thankful that acceptance of women has come a long way from what it used to be, and I'm aware that there will always be people out there that refuse to talk business with a woman and all we can do is respect their choice. By no means should it affect our work ethic or the work that we do. In fact, it should make us work even harder. Living in the mountains comes with the fact that people are still behind the times, and that includes women working in male dominated businesses especially the funeral business due to the fact that they've always been used to men taking care of them and their families. I truly believe that with time and patience more acceptance will come. So to all of the females out there in the business as well as other females making their way in other types of male dominated businesses, keep your head up, keep working hard, and keep on keeping on. Be proud of who you are and what you do.
From Funeral Planning to Wedding Planning- What the Business Taught me about Relationships that Everyone Should Know
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
As a lot of people know, I got engaged over the past weekend and it was nothing short of amazing. The thoughts of getting to marry my best best friend whom I also work along beside with everyday is so exciting and do consider myself very blessed. However, it was a long time coming. When I think back on past relationships compared to the one I have now with Jeffrey, everything just makes sense that I am where I am and that I'm with him. I can honestly say that I am thankful for each relationship that I have been in in the past, especially the few I was in since I've started working in the business because they each taught me very valuable things about what I deserved and how I should be treated when it comes to relationships. (Things that everyone no matter what profession that you're in should know.)
Working in the Funeral Industry is a very demanding profession. As I've mentioned before it requires a lot of your time, which leaves very little time for for yourself and your family, let alone time for dating. In the few past relationships before Jeffrey, I found that guys just didn't get the fact that I worked night and day, or that I couldn't go out of town on a night that I wasn't working because there was a possibility that I would get called out. I was even told once that my job sucked and that I had made the wrong choice by deciding to work in the funeral business. (Trust me, I took offense to that comment and I sent him on his way quick.) It was then that I learned that I needed to find someone who would understand, encourage and support my profession. With Jeff I have that because not only does he do the same exact thing that I do but we get to do it together quite often. Now I'm not saying that you need to run out there and try to find someone who is in the same profession as you in order to make it work, but you do need to stop and look at yourself and realize your self-worth. In my opinion, there are some vital things that are needed in order to make a relationship work, and understanding about things that take a lot of your time such as your job or in some instances people who are involved in your life a lot is very important. If the understanding and support isn't there then it will lead to a lot of arguments and you might as well just end the relationship right then and there. When you stop to think about it, if someone is not going to be understanding about a job or things that you are passionate about then you don't need them anyway. It just shows that they are selfish and really don't care about you and chances are they will NEVER support you with anything else you choose to do.
Jeff and I just happened. We get along so well, and I really think that it was due to the fact that we started out as friends first. I was one of those people who rolled my eyes when someone said it was better to find someone and be friends with them first because let's just be honest, in today's generation you can meet or reject people simply by a swipe across a screen. My opinion on that now has completely changed. Since we were already friends and had worked almost a year and a half together, that whole awkward getting to know each other phase was eliminated. I was already aware of his annoying little habits (as he was mine), so we knew what we were getting into. We still learn new things about each other everyday, but it was nice to already have a sturdy foundation on (so to speak) so we could build a relationship on. The main point is, do not rush anything, let it go at its own pace and let everything fall into place the way it is meant to be. You can't just rush into a relationship without knowing someone and expect it to work. It just goes to show you, that even the most unlikely things such as working with death can teach you important things not only about yourself, but about relationships as well.
I'm truly blessed that Jeff was brought into my life and honestly couldn't have found anyone else who treats me with as much respect and that shows me as much love as he does: something that EVERY SINGLE PERSON deserves and should strive to have. I couldn't end this post without bragging on him and showing off the ring. As for those who may be wondering if I will incorporate our profession into our wedding the answer is YES! (And I couldn't be more excited.)
Working in the Funeral Industry is a very demanding profession. As I've mentioned before it requires a lot of your time, which leaves very little time for for yourself and your family, let alone time for dating. In the few past relationships before Jeffrey, I found that guys just didn't get the fact that I worked night and day, or that I couldn't go out of town on a night that I wasn't working because there was a possibility that I would get called out. I was even told once that my job sucked and that I had made the wrong choice by deciding to work in the funeral business. (Trust me, I took offense to that comment and I sent him on his way quick.) It was then that I learned that I needed to find someone who would understand, encourage and support my profession. With Jeff I have that because not only does he do the same exact thing that I do but we get to do it together quite often. Now I'm not saying that you need to run out there and try to find someone who is in the same profession as you in order to make it work, but you do need to stop and look at yourself and realize your self-worth. In my opinion, there are some vital things that are needed in order to make a relationship work, and understanding about things that take a lot of your time such as your job or in some instances people who are involved in your life a lot is very important. If the understanding and support isn't there then it will lead to a lot of arguments and you might as well just end the relationship right then and there. When you stop to think about it, if someone is not going to be understanding about a job or things that you are passionate about then you don't need them anyway. It just shows that they are selfish and really don't care about you and chances are they will NEVER support you with anything else you choose to do.
Jeff and I just happened. We get along so well, and I really think that it was due to the fact that we started out as friends first. I was one of those people who rolled my eyes when someone said it was better to find someone and be friends with them first because let's just be honest, in today's generation you can meet or reject people simply by a swipe across a screen. My opinion on that now has completely changed. Since we were already friends and had worked almost a year and a half together, that whole awkward getting to know each other phase was eliminated. I was already aware of his annoying little habits (as he was mine), so we knew what we were getting into. We still learn new things about each other everyday, but it was nice to already have a sturdy foundation on (so to speak) so we could build a relationship on. The main point is, do not rush anything, let it go at its own pace and let everything fall into place the way it is meant to be. You can't just rush into a relationship without knowing someone and expect it to work. It just goes to show you, that even the most unlikely things such as working with death can teach you important things not only about yourself, but about relationships as well.
I'm truly blessed that Jeff was brought into my life and honestly couldn't have found anyone else who treats me with as much respect and that shows me as much love as he does: something that EVERY SINGLE PERSON deserves and should strive to have. I couldn't end this post without bragging on him and showing off the ring. As for those who may be wondering if I will incorporate our profession into our wedding the answer is YES! (And I couldn't be more excited.)
The Truth about Pre-Arranging Your Funeral and Why It's One of the Most Important Things You Should Do
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Death has touched us all in some way at some point throughout our lives and will continue to do. As each passing day goes by we are a day closer to death, which is something many people do not want to acknowledge or accept for many different reasons. To some people it's because of fear, (which is perfectly normal) or because they think they have plenty of time on this Earth, or sadly, they really just don't care and believe they will be taken care of regardless. (Which in 90% of cases doesn't happen.) With all of this being said, and due to the fact that I'm seeing more and more families having loved ones pass away and they have no means of paying for a type of service that they want, I saw that it was vital that I bring this topic up in a blog.
First off, I want to start off by saying that by no means do I intend to offend anyone, but I am honest and I feel that people need to be aware. Especially when it comes to the funeral industry. There are just so many misconceptions about death and what we as funeral service professionals do, mainly because people are uneducated on the subject. (Like I said, people do not want to think about death and dying.)
The main misconception that I have seen is that Funeral Homes are obligated to bury every body that dies that has no means of paying for it. This is not true and is one of the reasons why funeral homes and the professionals that work in the business get looked down upon in a negative light. But before you start saying that we are inconsiderate and don't care, you need to know why funeral homes cannot give funerals away. It's not because we don't care, we wish that we could, but once we give one funeral away, it would be expected that we give all of them away. A lot of time and work goes into caring for each and every family that is served, it is our job and a selfless job at that. The best way to get my point across is by explaining it like this: You cant just go into Walmart or into a store, load up on goods and walk out the door without paying for them. The same goes for funerals. However, there are many funeral homes that are willing to work with families as far as payment options: there is a percentage that is required to be paid down up front, then the family can work out a monthly payment plan. For some families this works out well, but there are also many that promises to pay then doesn't. It's not fair to those of us who work long hours and put a lot of time into each and every individual service to not get paid for it. I know that all of you who read this that work hard in any profession and love what they do would agree with me on this.
So hopefully, I've sparked some interest now and have you thinking. Have you ever stopped to think about what you'd like to have happen when you pass away? Cremation? Do you want your ashes to be scattered somewhere special or kept in a keepsake urn? Did you know that cremains could be turned into beautiful gem jewelry for your family members to keep? Or what about traditional services with a burial? What color of casket would you like? Where would you like to be buried? For those of you who have children, or will have future children your last wishes are something that needs to be known. Do you really want to leave your children with the stress of trying to decide on what you would have wanted done when you pass away? That is why I believe that prearranging your own funeral is so important. It lets your wishes be known, and it eliminates your already grieving family from having to make hard decisions as well as leaving them in a financial bind to pay for your services. Not too long ago, a family had lost their mother: who just had happened to come in twenty years ago and sit down, picked out the casket she wanted, gave some of the vital information the funeral home would need to file a death certificate and paid for her funeral. In the 1990's she paid 4000.00 for her funeral, which in turn the funeral home put into a trust fund account: Funeral Funding Trust of Kentucky, which is a trust fund for funeral accounts that cannot be touched by anyone (including funeral homes) until the person has passed away. It can only be used for funeral purposes so that insures that your money is used on you for your funeral services. For twenty years the money grew interest, to cover the inflation costs of the merchandise that she selected because just like everything else, even the price of funeral merchandise gets higher each year. When her children came in to finalize arrangements, and it was time to talk money, they were shocked and amazed but even more relieved to find out that her funeral was already paid for.
Now you may be wondering, "Well, what if I don't have thousands of dollars to pay for my funeral up front at once?" The answer is, you don't have to pay it in full. You can go to the funeral home of your choice and prearrange with them, and send in any amount of money you want to whenever you want to to be put into an account. Some people send in money that ranges from five dollars to one hundred dollars a month. Every little bit helps and over time it does add up. If the Trust Fund isn't your cup of tea, you can also take out a life insurance policy. (To all my young adult readers out there this would also be a good option for you.) I took out a life insurance policy when I was 23, three years ago and it was one of the best "big girl life decisions" that I ever made. I got my policy with a low monthly payment that will not change (because of my age and the fact that I was in good health.) In twenty years my policy will be paid for. Not too bad for twenty-five dollars a month. I also made my prearrangement, so my wishes would be known to my parents, just so it would make things easier on them if anything was to happen and I'll be honest, I felt like a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. That was one major thing that I could check off my list of what I needed to take care of. It also felt good knowing that I had helped my family if anything was to happen to me. FYI: If you make a prearrangement with a funeral home and later on decide to go somewhere else you CAN take your preneed from your first funeral home of choice and take to another. Do not let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
Whatever route that you decide to go is completely up to you. Regardless I suggest that you go to the funeral home of your choice and sit down with them so they can explain to you different options when it comes to prearrangement. Many people often say that they were glad that they went ahead and did it, and that it wasn't as bad as what they expected. So hopefully I've shed some light on the subject. I know the subject of death is one that no one wants to think about but the bitter truth is you have to. If you can do one last thing for your family, one of them should be helping them with this.
Have a great weekend everyone!
First off, I want to start off by saying that by no means do I intend to offend anyone, but I am honest and I feel that people need to be aware. Especially when it comes to the funeral industry. There are just so many misconceptions about death and what we as funeral service professionals do, mainly because people are uneducated on the subject. (Like I said, people do not want to think about death and dying.)
The main misconception that I have seen is that Funeral Homes are obligated to bury every body that dies that has no means of paying for it. This is not true and is one of the reasons why funeral homes and the professionals that work in the business get looked down upon in a negative light. But before you start saying that we are inconsiderate and don't care, you need to know why funeral homes cannot give funerals away. It's not because we don't care, we wish that we could, but once we give one funeral away, it would be expected that we give all of them away. A lot of time and work goes into caring for each and every family that is served, it is our job and a selfless job at that. The best way to get my point across is by explaining it like this: You cant just go into Walmart or into a store, load up on goods and walk out the door without paying for them. The same goes for funerals. However, there are many funeral homes that are willing to work with families as far as payment options: there is a percentage that is required to be paid down up front, then the family can work out a monthly payment plan. For some families this works out well, but there are also many that promises to pay then doesn't. It's not fair to those of us who work long hours and put a lot of time into each and every individual service to not get paid for it. I know that all of you who read this that work hard in any profession and love what they do would agree with me on this.
So hopefully, I've sparked some interest now and have you thinking. Have you ever stopped to think about what you'd like to have happen when you pass away? Cremation? Do you want your ashes to be scattered somewhere special or kept in a keepsake urn? Did you know that cremains could be turned into beautiful gem jewelry for your family members to keep? Or what about traditional services with a burial? What color of casket would you like? Where would you like to be buried? For those of you who have children, or will have future children your last wishes are something that needs to be known. Do you really want to leave your children with the stress of trying to decide on what you would have wanted done when you pass away? That is why I believe that prearranging your own funeral is so important. It lets your wishes be known, and it eliminates your already grieving family from having to make hard decisions as well as leaving them in a financial bind to pay for your services. Not too long ago, a family had lost their mother: who just had happened to come in twenty years ago and sit down, picked out the casket she wanted, gave some of the vital information the funeral home would need to file a death certificate and paid for her funeral. In the 1990's she paid 4000.00 for her funeral, which in turn the funeral home put into a trust fund account: Funeral Funding Trust of Kentucky, which is a trust fund for funeral accounts that cannot be touched by anyone (including funeral homes) until the person has passed away. It can only be used for funeral purposes so that insures that your money is used on you for your funeral services. For twenty years the money grew interest, to cover the inflation costs of the merchandise that she selected because just like everything else, even the price of funeral merchandise gets higher each year. When her children came in to finalize arrangements, and it was time to talk money, they were shocked and amazed but even more relieved to find out that her funeral was already paid for.
Now you may be wondering, "Well, what if I don't have thousands of dollars to pay for my funeral up front at once?" The answer is, you don't have to pay it in full. You can go to the funeral home of your choice and prearrange with them, and send in any amount of money you want to whenever you want to to be put into an account. Some people send in money that ranges from five dollars to one hundred dollars a month. Every little bit helps and over time it does add up. If the Trust Fund isn't your cup of tea, you can also take out a life insurance policy. (To all my young adult readers out there this would also be a good option for you.) I took out a life insurance policy when I was 23, three years ago and it was one of the best "big girl life decisions" that I ever made. I got my policy with a low monthly payment that will not change (because of my age and the fact that I was in good health.) In twenty years my policy will be paid for. Not too bad for twenty-five dollars a month. I also made my prearrangement, so my wishes would be known to my parents, just so it would make things easier on them if anything was to happen and I'll be honest, I felt like a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. That was one major thing that I could check off my list of what I needed to take care of. It also felt good knowing that I had helped my family if anything was to happen to me. FYI: If you make a prearrangement with a funeral home and later on decide to go somewhere else you CAN take your preneed from your first funeral home of choice and take to another. Do not let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
Whatever route that you decide to go is completely up to you. Regardless I suggest that you go to the funeral home of your choice and sit down with them so they can explain to you different options when it comes to prearrangement. Many people often say that they were glad that they went ahead and did it, and that it wasn't as bad as what they expected. So hopefully I've shed some light on the subject. I know the subject of death is one that no one wants to think about but the bitter truth is you have to. If you can do one last thing for your family, one of them should be helping them with this.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Southern Funeral Customs that Make Me Proud to be from the South
Sunday, September 20, 2015
As you know, I'm proud of my profession, as well as where I came from. There's nothing better than southern hospitality; something that the majority of us living in the mountains show amongst each other as well as outsiders that we come into contact with. This hospitality is almost always shown during the passing of a community member's loved one. When someone passes in one of our small close-knit communities, the community comes together, to help as well as grieve along with the family. So to the outsiders in different states, or even living in the larger cities of Kentucky you may wonder, "What is it that families in the Mountains do so differently?" There are some Southern Funeral Customs that have been practiced for many years being passed down from generation to generation, and have continued to this very day that will continue on.
1. Food
If there's one thing that the people of Appalachia love it's food. Whether it is a nice potluck at church on Sunday, reunions, or even a small family get-together, food is always the centerpiece of any social engagement. When someone in the community passes away, other families rush to the aid to help in any way that they can and the first thing that comes to mind is food. I mean, when a family is grieving, the last thing on their mind is eating, let alone taking the time to fix a meal. When my Pawpaw passed away, so many people that we know, brought food to our home, as well as the Funeral Home. There was enough food to last my HUGE family for days. Enough to get us through the arrangement process, the days of visitation and after the day of the funeral. To us in the South, there's so much more to someone just bringing food; it's a huge act of kindness and thoughtfulness on behalf of the person who brought it, not to mention it's heartwarming at the thought that that person took the time to fix something for you and your grieving family. Yes, you better believe that all those pies, cakes and deserts were made with a lot of love with some extra thrown in. (That's why they taste so good.)
2. Pulling Off to the Side of the Road During a Procession
This is a custom that is still being practiced thankfully in the hills of Appalachia. However this cannot be done in Lexington and other larger cities, because of safety reasons. In the larger cities, the family is told to meet at the cemetery at a scheduled time after a funeral service, but not in hills of Eastern Kentucky. I have been in quite a few processions, many I've drove the hearse myself and it makes me so proud when I see others take just a couple minutes of their time to pull off the side of the road so a procession can go by. Now there are some out there that have absolutely NO RESPECT for anyone, and just fly right on by, but the number of people who actually respect processions surpass the number of those who don't. Even people who are walking will stop and take their hats off long enough to show respect for a family dealing with the loss of a loved one. Until you are driving in a procession to bury your loved one you don't know how much it means when someone pulls off the road a couple of moments for your family to pass by. So people, next time you see one, please pull over. It's a simple act of kindness that you will expect someday yourself.
3. Turning Your Music Down when Passing a Cemetery or a Funeral Home Having Services
This custom is one that some may not even know about, especially the younger generations. However, I was always told to turn down my radio whenever I passed a church, funeral home or cemetery that was handling visitation and funeral services . Now many may ask me why this is so important, and all I will say is this; would you like to be standing during services of someone you love, especially at a cemetery and hear someone blasting "Drop it Like it's Hot" as your loved one is being lowered into the ground? I think not. Trust me, it's happened before.
Respect and love are two the few things that make us living in the Mountains who we are. Tradition is kept close to our hearts, and passed down to our younger generations. Let's continue to keep these traditions going and teach our children to do the same. The customs that I mentioned are just a few of the things that make us who we are and set us apart from the other groups of people living in our state and nation. Continue to be proud of who we are and what we do. :)
1. Food
If there's one thing that the people of Appalachia love it's food. Whether it is a nice potluck at church on Sunday, reunions, or even a small family get-together, food is always the centerpiece of any social engagement. When someone in the community passes away, other families rush to the aid to help in any way that they can and the first thing that comes to mind is food. I mean, when a family is grieving, the last thing on their mind is eating, let alone taking the time to fix a meal. When my Pawpaw passed away, so many people that we know, brought food to our home, as well as the Funeral Home. There was enough food to last my HUGE family for days. Enough to get us through the arrangement process, the days of visitation and after the day of the funeral. To us in the South, there's so much more to someone just bringing food; it's a huge act of kindness and thoughtfulness on behalf of the person who brought it, not to mention it's heartwarming at the thought that that person took the time to fix something for you and your grieving family. Yes, you better believe that all those pies, cakes and deserts were made with a lot of love with some extra thrown in. (That's why they taste so good.)
2. Pulling Off to the Side of the Road During a Procession
This is a custom that is still being practiced thankfully in the hills of Appalachia. However this cannot be done in Lexington and other larger cities, because of safety reasons. In the larger cities, the family is told to meet at the cemetery at a scheduled time after a funeral service, but not in hills of Eastern Kentucky. I have been in quite a few processions, many I've drove the hearse myself and it makes me so proud when I see others take just a couple minutes of their time to pull off the side of the road so a procession can go by. Now there are some out there that have absolutely NO RESPECT for anyone, and just fly right on by, but the number of people who actually respect processions surpass the number of those who don't. Even people who are walking will stop and take their hats off long enough to show respect for a family dealing with the loss of a loved one. Until you are driving in a procession to bury your loved one you don't know how much it means when someone pulls off the road a couple of moments for your family to pass by. So people, next time you see one, please pull over. It's a simple act of kindness that you will expect someday yourself.
3. Turning Your Music Down when Passing a Cemetery or a Funeral Home Having Services
This custom is one that some may not even know about, especially the younger generations. However, I was always told to turn down my radio whenever I passed a church, funeral home or cemetery that was handling visitation and funeral services . Now many may ask me why this is so important, and all I will say is this; would you like to be standing during services of someone you love, especially at a cemetery and hear someone blasting "Drop it Like it's Hot" as your loved one is being lowered into the ground? I think not. Trust me, it's happened before.
Respect and love are two the few things that make us living in the Mountains who we are. Tradition is kept close to our hearts, and passed down to our younger generations. Let's continue to keep these traditions going and teach our children to do the same. The customs that I mentioned are just a few of the things that make us who we are and set us apart from the other groups of people living in our state and nation. Continue to be proud of who we are and what we do. :)
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